broken!”
A man went to the doctor and complained of very painful feeling. The doctor asked: “Where you have pain?”. The man answered: “I am very ill, because wherever in my body I touch with my finger, it hurts very much! So, my every points are painful!” The doctor was amazed and start to examine the man very well. Finally he found the reason for his patient’s pains: “Your finger is
broken!”
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Couple was going to arrange a garden party. When the evening was beginning, just before guests will arrive, the man of the house started to take bottles of liquor from closet. His wife saw that and said: “No no, you can’t offer liquor, there is also the priest among the guests.” The man disagreed and said: “Yes I can, it is very important in that kind of party!” The wife gave up, but she said: “But you will do it secretly so that the priest can’t see it. Maybe you for example say that there is phone call to him who you are going to offer liquor and call him inside?” The man said: “Alright, I can do that, if you like so.” Guests arrived and they were talking in the garden. The man of the house was inside the house and he opened the door to the garden and declared: “And now my guests, here is phone call everybody else but not the priest!”
Group of sailors were castaway in a distant island. They started to tell jokes to each other just filling in time. After couple of weeks they have told every jokes they knew very many times and they did not find out any new jokes. They remembered every jokes so well that when someone started to tell the joke to others they knew immediately which joke he was going to tell. So, they named jokes by number in the way that one number meant one joke, for example number 21 meant the joke start by words “Two men were in the forest…” etc. After that there were no need to start to tell the joke, only number was enough. In that way they continued, someone said number 16 and everyone remembered that joke. But jokes were still old and they were not able to laugh them anymore. One time happened that someone said the number 42 and only one man started to laugh and he laughed and laughed. Others looked at him and asked: “Why you are laughing so much?” The man who laughed answered: “I have never heard that joke before!”
When I was visiting in a mental hospital, I asked responsible psychiatrist how they know should they take a man in or not?
He answered that it is easy: “We make a little test. We fill bathtub with water and give him teaspoon, coffee cup and bucket. Then we asked him to empty the bathtub.” I understood and said that: “Yes, of course, normal man use the bucket, because it is much bigger than teaspoon or coffee cup!” The psychiatrist looked at me quite long time and after that he said: “No, normal man take plug off from the bathtub. Do you want a bed next to window?” Philosopher, physicist and mathematician received a task: They had four boards and they had to edge so big area as possible with those boards. Philosopher did not do anything, he only said that first we should define what is an area? Physicist sawed boards so narrow slices as he could, then he had very many slices and he was able to edge quite big area with them. Mathematician put those four boards in the shape of square on the ground, jump into the square and said: “Let’s suppose, that we are now outside of the area…”.
Blonde was driving her car when quite heavy snowfall started. Visibility was not good and driving was difficult. Blonde was a little desperate. Short time and she realized that there was truck with snow cleaner driving behind her. She remembered his father’s advice that it is easier to drive behind this kind of truck because you can follow it and the way is clean from snow. So, blonde let the truck drive through and started to follow it. The system was good and the blonde drove almost two hours behind the truck. After that the truck suddenly stopped and the blonde stopped too. The driver of the truck came out, walked to the blonde who opened the window of her car. The truck driver asked: “What the hell you think you are doing?” The blonde explained that it is easy to drive behind the truck with snow cleaner in that kind of weather. The truck driver shrugged his shoulders and said: “Okay, you can do what you like, but now this car park area of Ikea’s furniture shop is cleaned and next I am going to clean the car park area of that McDonald’s restaurant over there!”
Norwegian pilots were known for their skills to land very short landing strips. Two Norwegian pilots were going to land one of that kind of very short landing strip and even they really were experts to do that they were worried. They have heard that this landing strip is especially hard. They were very concentrated and they were very successful again. They landed nice and when airplane has stopped there were 30 meters landing strip to go. Another pilot said to another: “It wasn’t so short landing strip we were frighten for, wasn’t it?” Second pilot answered: “No, it wasn’t. But very special it is, because if you look at both sides you can see that this landing strip is very very wide!!!”
This one has someone chosen the best joke in the world:
Two men, Jack and Joe, were hunting in the forest with shotguns. Suddenly there were an accidental shot and Jack was hit by a lot of bullets. Jack fell down and stay there without any movement. Joe was shocked and ran to the Jack, but Jack only lay on the ground. Joe called emergency number to ask advices what he should do in that situation. A pleasant woman answered and Joe yelled to the phone: “I think I have killed my friend!” The woman said: “Are you sure that your friend is really dead? First you must make sure about that, could you do that?” There were very silent moment and after that the woman heard two gunshots. After that Joe return to the phone and said: “Now he is really dead, what should I do next?” This is a sort one:
What is difference between English expert of demography and Sicilian expert of demography? The English one can forecast quite exactly how many men will die in the next year, but the Sicilian one knows their names too. Okay, in the name of the equality between men and women, the next joke about women
growing old: Group of five women retired at the age of 60 and they decided to go to eat together some nice place. They thought and thought and after that one of them suggested: “Let’s go to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton, because there is very nice waiters”.They went there and at the end of the dinner they agreed that they will have a dinner together every tenth year. So, when they were at the age of 70 they thought and thought again the place where they will go to eat together. Finally one of them suggested: “Let’s go to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton, because there is very good food”. So, they went to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton. Ten years went and at the age of 80 they thought and thought again the place where they will go to eat together. Finally one of them suggested: “Let’s go to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton, because there is very nice view there”. So, they went to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton. Ten years went and at the age of 90 they thought and thought again the place where they will go to eat together. Finally one of them suggested: “Let’s go to the restaurant of the hotel Hilton, because we have never been there yet!”. And another one about man getting old.
Old couple retired met at the home of another same kind of couple. Little time and then women were in the kitchen and men in the living room and they were talking. In the living room the old man told his friend that they found very good restaurant with his wife in last week. Of course the friend asked the name of the restaurant. The old man started to thinking. He thinking and thinking and then he asked his friend did he remembered the name of that flower we give the woman we love? You know, that red flower? Friend started to thinking and he thinking and thinking and then he remembered: “You mean rose?”. “Yes, it is the flower I mean!” and after that the old man shouted to the kitchen: “Hey, Rose, do you remember what was the name of that very good restaurant we were in last week?” Let’s start with the joke about how man get older.
There were four men on the beach. Their ages were 20, 30, 40 and 50. Suddenly they realized that there came beautiful young naked women on the beach of the opposite shore. The man age of 20 screamed that let’s swim to the opposite shore and let’s do it fast! The man age of 30 said that wait a minute, why we don’t take that boat over there and scull over the water? The man age of 40 muttered that let’s wait here, I am sure that those women will come to us. The man of age 50 were amazed and said: “what are you doing, I think that we can see them from here very well”! I start to write this blog to have people to laugh and to have enjoy in her/his day. I will publish 1 - 5 jokes in every week and I hope you share these with your friends so that so many people as posiible have fun with these. I do my best that my jokes are good and nice. I will start soon, so keep this site on your mind :)
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Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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