"What?
"Never mind."
"What's the problem?
"Nothing."
"Please tell us."
"I'm fine."
Jokes |
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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DO IT NOW!!! BigStep application below at this page for have a partner to you!!!
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First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem."
"What? "Never mind." "What's the problem? "Nothing." "Please tell us." "I'm fine."
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A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest."
24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man: "Why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge!" An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger: "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds: "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says: "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds: "Yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless!" A blonde rings up an airline.
She asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says: "Just a minute..." The blonde says: "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone. A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court", said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!", said the man, "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: "What's the problem officer?" Cop: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh Harry. You were going 80." (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt." Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt." Man: "Shut your mouth, woman!" Cop: "Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?" Wife: "No, only when he's drunk!" Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic."
Father: "Why?" Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'" Father: "But that's right!" Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'" Father: "What's the fucking difference?" Boy: "That's exactly what I said!" A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband: ''Shut up...you're next!'' Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stands up. Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!" Little Johnny stands up. Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No...I just feel bad that you're standing alone..." Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back of a nightclub after a late gig. They’ve heard one another’s material so much, they’ve reached the point where they don’t need to say the jokes anymore to amuse each other – they just need to refer to each joke by a number.
"Number 37!", cracks the first comic, and the others break up. "Number 53!", says the second guy, and they howl. Finally, it’s the third comic’s turn. "44!", he quips. He gets nothing. Crickets. "What?", he asks, "Isn’t 44 funny?" "Sure, it’s usually hilarious", they answer, "but the way you tell it…" A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven.
"There must be some mistake", the lawyer argues, "I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five." "Fifty five?", says Saint Peter, "No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two." "How’s you get that?", the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: "We added up your time sheets!" An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral: "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit!"
The mortician says: "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back: "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!" At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said: "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you."
He replied: "You lose!" I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.
A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.
"Father O’Malley", he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man", says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I’m telling everybody!" A guy tells his psychiatrist: "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?"
"Well", says the psychiatrist, "maybe she didn’t see the email." Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor", the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave", the doctor says, "but here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?", the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die!" Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill: "Here’s that $20 I owe you!", he says. A young boy enters a barber shop. The barber whispers to his customer: “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks: “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?”, said the barber, “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. The customer: “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied: “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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