I thought: "That's a strange way to start a conversation".
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About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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My wife just nudged me and said: "You weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought: "That's a strange way to start a conversation".
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Man says to his boss: "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss says: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!" Man says: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity." I asked my wife why did she marry me.
Wife: "Because you are funny." Me: "I thought it was because I was good in bed?" Wife: "You see? You're hilarious." Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it. Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?" "Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!", was the response. Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed: "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!" I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said: "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me: "It's Wales, dumbo!" So I corrected myself: "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?" That's about as far as I remember. A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer", the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet", snapped the officer, "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said: "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it", answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom." HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer. Little Mary is at her first wedding.
When it’s over, she asks her mother: "Why did the lady change her mind?" "What do you mean?" asks mother. "Well", replies Mary, "She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another." An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him: "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies: "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says: "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs: "Oh, no, everybody's just fine", he explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn't affected me brothers though." A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said: "Here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants", she said. "That’s right!", said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said: "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said: "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said: "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…" Husband to wife: "I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot."
Wife: "Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret." General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern.
The general yelled at a passing sergeant: "Hey, isn't somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot." This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I am doing?", asks the doctor. "Yes, checking for abnormalities", she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks: "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies: "Yes, checking for cancer." Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having s*x with her. He says to her: "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies: "Yes, getting herpies - that's why I am here!" A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks: "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies: "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender: "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's: "$5". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says: "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says: "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks: "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says: "The same thing I'm doing to his business". It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests: "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked: "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!" Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first guy says: "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says: "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says: "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k." A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks: "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says: "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The cowboy explains: "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says: "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies: "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says: "Damn thing's an hour fast." A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said: "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?", asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally, he stammered: "You mean you're not the flight instructor?" A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class: "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says: "He's in Heaven." Mary answers: "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out: "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well", Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'" Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."
One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: "Who just threw that?!" Boy: "Me! I’m going home now." |
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1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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