The patient: "Yes."
The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy."
The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money."
Doctor: "And how it is possible?"
The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?"
The patient: "Yes." The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money." Doctor: "And how it is possible?" The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
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A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent: "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that", said the ticket agent. "That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route." A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks: "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies: "That's the accountant we're looking for." While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.
His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says: "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!", says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says: "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?" A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room. The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?", he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do", she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?" "Yes, I remember!", said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues: "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said: 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too", she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says: "I would have been released today...!" A doctor was examining a young girl and told her she was pregnant. Not being married the girl wanted to abort the child. The doctor didn't want to kill the child and persuaded the girl that if she carried the baby to term, he would find someone to take the baby.
Time passed, the baby was born but nobody else was giving birth in the hospital that night. But the doctor was persistent and found that there was a Catholic priest who was having a gall bladder operation! That morning the doctor visited the priest and said that there'd been a miracle. We opened you up and what did we find - a beautiful baby girl. Priest was a little disconcerted but believed that God moved in mysterious ways! Took the girl home and raised it as part of the household. Fifteen years pass and the priest is deathly sick. He decides to clear his conscience and calls the girl to his bedside. "Daughter", he says, "I have confession to make. I'm not really your father. I'm your mother ... your father's the bishop!" A British lady was travelling on a bus to Kochi, when she overheard two Keralites talking to each other.
One of them was saying : "Emma cum first, then I cum. Then two asses come together. Then I cum again. The two asses, they come together one more time. Then I cum and pee twice. Then I cum one last time." This was too uncomfortable for the rather prudish lady, and she couldn't contain herself any longer. She turned around and shouted: "Excuse me! However robust your sex life might be, can you PLEASE refrain from discussing all the little details at such a public place?" The two of them look surprised. Then one of them said: "Hey relax lady. Who's talking about sex life? I was only telling him how to spell Mississippi" Two blondes enter a bus.
"Hey, does this take me to the train station?", asks the first one. "Nope", said the driver. Other blonde: "What about me?" A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled: "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said: "So, you want me to stay?" Interviewer: "Hi there! We’re here in Old town, a little town at about 50 miles from the nearest city to interview some of the folk people. They had been here for quite a while and we just wanted to know their most interesting stories. So, here we have an old man, full of nice stories. So, tell us please, Mr. Old man, what was the most interesting story that happened to you around here?"
Old man: "Yeah, well I don’t remember a lot of nice stories, but someday a nice young couple went here and the woman got lost, we all in town, as a custom we have, went out to look for her. Days passed and we finally found her, and, as a custom we have, we all raped her and returned her to her husband." Interviewer: "Damn!! That’s terrible!! Is there another story you have?" Old man: "Mmm I remember that years back one of my friends went hunting and got lost in the woods. Our custom lead the whole town to look for him. After two days we found him in a cave, as our custom, we all raped him and returned him to his wife." Interviewer: "…Mm any other one?" Old man: "Yeah, sure. I can recall a time one dog escaped from its house and, as our custom, we all went out to search for it. We found it the next day, and as our custom, we all raped it and returned it to its owner." Interviewer: "Ok, I don’t think it’s possible for anything more terrible, I bet that’s the worst!" Old man: "Not really, now that I think about it, I once got lost!" A mother sends her three vampire sons to hunt one night.
The oldest vampire son goes hunting and comes back two hours later with blood smeared all over his face. "So?”, the mother asked. "Do you see that flock of birds there?”, he said. "No…” "That's because I killed them!” The middle son goes hunting and comes back one hour later with blood smeared all over his face. "So?”, the mother asked again. "Do you see that herd of cows there?”, he said. "No…” "That is because I killed them!” The youngest son goes hunting and comes back five minutes later with blood smeared all over his face. "So?”, the mother asked surprised to see her son come so soon from hunting. "Do you see that lamp post there over there?” "Yes!?” "Well I didn't see it!” A man and his wife were having financial troubles so they decide she should work the streets to make some extra money.
She comes home that night with $31.25. He asks her: “Who gave you a quarter???” She replies: “All of them.” Walking past a lunatic asylum, and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13,...
Curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over. All the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13,... Finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,... ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision." Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision." Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course." Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course." Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP." Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call." |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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