He answered: "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was: "Why?"
The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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Jokes
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Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered: "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was: "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them.
One nun says: "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!" The second nun says: "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!" A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead. No sign of the blonde. After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore. They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink. After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says: "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!" Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?"
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree. They asked me to bring it." Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants." Susan: "Don't worry mam, I haven't put on my pants!" Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone!
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness.
He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness. After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly: "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit." Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the problem?" "Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!" Two elephants meet a totally naked guy.
After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!" "My wife suffers from a drinking problem."
"Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers." Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.
The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?" And the father answers truthfully: "These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh.. I see!", the boy answers, "They shown them to us at school, in the sex education class." Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?" "This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday." Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside. "What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?" "This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday." Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?" His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…" Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said: "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said: "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said: "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!" One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach.
The doctor gasped and asked what happened. The Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach. The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. The blond said: "I was trying to burn calories." A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing. The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over. The brunette joins her. Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car. The blonde watches as the car drives away. The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over. Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says: “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks: “How much?” She says: “A hundred dollars.” He says: “All I got is thirty”. She says: “Hold on” and runs back to Harry and asks: “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, Harry reply. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE... She stares at it for a minute, and then says: “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks: “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?” |
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1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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