The guy asks: "What are you carrying?"
"Melons", the blonde replies.
"Cool", the guy says, "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says: "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them!"
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks: "What are you carrying?" "Melons", the blonde replies. "Cool", the guy says, "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?" The blonde giggles and says: "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them!"
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Two doctors met each other.
“Why you are so sad?” “I lost my best patient!” “Oh no, I’m so sorry! How she died?” “She didn’t, she was healed!” A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.
The army general says: "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered: "Yes sir?" The general says: "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says: "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says: "That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports: "Yes, sir?" The marine general says: "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says: "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says: "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower: "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers: "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats: "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies: "Fuck you, sir!" The admiral says: "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!" A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying: “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others.” The teacher asked little Johnny: “What’s two and two?”
He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said: “Four, teacher?” She said: ”Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind your back and tell me what’s three and three.” He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered: “Six, teacher?” She said: “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five.” He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied: “Eleven, teacher?” A scientist tells a pharmacist: "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?", asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!", he says, "I can never remember the name." A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk: "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35", he replied. "I'm actually 47", the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied: "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!", she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied: "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said: "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said: "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said: "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied: "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." "I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?"
"That's right, Sir." "So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?" "That was my dentist." There were about 2 500 Elvis imitator in the world at the year 1995.
At the year 2000 there were already about 30 000 Elvis imitator in the world. Now scientists are very worried about this because if development will continue as same kind then in the year 2040 every third man in the world is Elvis imitator. After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:
The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic."
Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?" |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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