Husband: "Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife:"In the pool."
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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Wife: "There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says: “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” "Dad, what are you talking about?", the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer”, the father says, “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!”, she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father: “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?”, and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife: "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way." A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says: "Do you know me?" To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly: "No, I’m your son’s teacher." Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you", he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread." An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said: "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?", the captain asked, "Why not?" She replied: "There are only three doors in here", she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well", answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?" Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now. "I would like my grandchildren to say,that he was successful in business", declared the first man. "Fifty years from now", said the second, "I want them to say,that he was a loyal family man." Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked: "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?" "Me?", the third man replied. "I want them all to say: "He certainly looks good for his age!" Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying: “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said: “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said: “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said: “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked: “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison: “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked: "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied: "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says: "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says: "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers: "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said: "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied: "My father doesn't like her." A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says: "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says: "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that." A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was immediately transported to the hospital. While she was in surgery she had a supernatural, near death experience. She met God and asked him: "Has my time come?" He answered: "No, you have 43 years, 2 months and 8 more days to live." After she recovered, the woman decided to stay in hospital and do plastic surgery on her face, liposuction, breast enlargement and abdominal fat removal. She also called a hair stylist to change her hairstyle and an orthodontist to perform a ‘teeth lifting’. She figured, if she had so much time in front of her, she should live the best way possible. After her last plastic surgery and not until she has recovered, she wore a new dress with matching heels, left the hospital, went across the street and an ambulance run over her… While crossing the gates to heaven, she reached God and demanded to know what happened: "You told me I had 43 more years! Why didn’t you save me from the ambulance?" And he answered: "I didn’t recognize you." Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked: "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says: "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says: "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies: "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!" Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax", says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini." A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out: "Watch out for the wall!" |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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