”Mom, I don’t want to go to school today, because those children are so evil to me!”“Nonsense, you must go to school. Firstly, you are already an adult and secondly, you are the headmaster of the school!”
”Mom, I don’t want to go to school today, because those children are so evil to me!”“Nonsense, you must go to school. Firstly, you are already an adult and secondly, you are the headmaster of the school!”
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Friendster Ivan and Alexey come out of the gambling house. Ivan is the very stark and Alexey wearing only underpants.
- "Look Alexey, Ivan slur, I always respected about you that you know how to stop in time!" A mother had to go to business trip and in the morning dad started to take a child to a day nursery.
In the first day nursery a nanny said: “No no, that boy is not from our day nursery!” Dad drove to another day nursery nearby, but there it was the same thing: “That boy is not from our day nursery!” After that the child said to dad: “Dad, if we will drive to even one day nursery anymore, I will be late at school!” Happened in Texas:
An American showed his farm and lands of it to his Russian guest: “My farm is so large that it takes ten days to drive by car around it!” The Russian: “Well, we have that kind of cars in Russia too!” There was going recruitment procedure to the army.
A recruit: “I asked a release from military service, because I am a short-sighted!” A medical officer: “It doesn’t matter. We will put you to the front line!” There was a gate where a road crossed a railway and the gate was down. After little time there was quite long line of cars, but the train was nowhere. Nothing happened and drivers start to lose their temper. They hooted loudly. Finally an old woman who was guarding the gate came out and declared: “Keep calm, you must be patient! They just announced that the train is late one and a half hours!”
”Honey, when we get married we will have three children!”
“How you can know it so sure already now?” “They are with my mother now!” In the night a policeman stopped a drunken man running very fast.
The policeman: “Well, where you are running mister? Why you are so hurry?” The man: “I am going to be late from a lecture!” The policeman: “And who gives lectures at this time in the night?” The man: “My wife!” A man was hunting and came back to home.
The wife: “Dear, how successful your hunting was?” The man: “It was quite successful, now we will not buy meet at least one month!” The wife: “Oh really? Did you shoot deer?” The man: “No, but I drank my whole salary!” An old man found a sheep wandering on his doorstep. He took the sheep to the police station. A policeman said that they can’t take the sheep and told him to take
it to the zoo. In the next day the same policeman saw the same old man with the sheep on the street. The policeman: “I invited you to take the sheep to the zoo?” The old man: “Yes, I remember. Yesterday I took it to the zoo. Today I am going to take it to the fun park!”
Millennium was quite big thing and an interviewer walked on the street asking people their plans for the future.
The interviewer: “What kind of plans do you have for this new starting millennium?” A walker on the street: “Nothing very special because most of time in that new millennium I will be dead!” In the construction site the job is often quite dangerous and sometimes accidents happens. This time there was very serious accident and Mr. Johnsson died. The boss of the site was known as not very diplomatic man, but he decided that it is his task to go and tell to Mrs. Johnsson what has happened. His workmates were little worried about this and they asked the boss to be sensitive.
The boss left, did his task and came back singing and carrying a bottle of whiskey. His workmates was amazed and asked how it went and why the boss has a bottle of whiskey with him? The boss told that everything went very well. He knocked the door of Mrs. Johnsson and when she opened the door the boss said: “Hello, my name is Murphy. I suppose that you are the widow of Mr. Johnsson?” Mrs. Johnsson answered: “Yes, I am Mrs. Johnsson, but I am not a widow!” After that the boss asked: “Could we bet a bottle of whiskey that you are a widow of Mr. Johnsson?” An old veteran who had lost his left arm in the war went to the hairdresser because he needed a shave. The hairdresser had a bad day and he cut by accident a long wound to the cheek of the veteran.
The hairdresser was of course very sorry and tried to lighten the mood: “You look familiar. Have you been here before?” The veteran: “No I haven’t. I lost my arm already in the war!” A man lived in apartment of apartment house. He had a big party and they listened music very loud. In the next morning he met his neighbor from behind the wall.
The neighbor: “Didn’t you hear last evening when I hit your wall with my fist?” The man: “Yes, I heard that, but don’t mind, it didn’t disturb us because we also were quite noisy!” A mother was terrified about the behavior of her daughter: “That kind is the modern youth!”, she said sorely, “at the age of 16 she hang around with boys and doesn’t remember even her own mother’s 32-years birthday!”
There is three kind of people: those who can count and those who can’t!
How a man realized that his wallet had been stolen? The thief spent less money than his wife.
An old millionaire man told his 28-years old very beautiful blonde wife: ”Our new driver is very dangerous. Yesterday he drove so careless that he almost killed me!”
The wife: “Oh no, dear, but, please, don’t remove him. Give him a second chance!” “What is the definition of democracy?”
“ Four wolves and one sheep have a meeting to decide what they are going to have as a lunch!” |
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1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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