A wife and a husbend went to the doctor. At the end of the visit the doctor said to the wife: "Your husbend is very tired. I write a prescription for very strong sleeping pills!" The wife asked: "How often he should take those pills?" The doctor answered: "No no, you take these pills!"
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The guide in the museum: "Here you can see the skeleton of dinosaur. It is 65 million years old." A man in the audience: "You are liar! I was here 5 years ago and you told already then that this skeleton is 65 million years old!"
Two guys, friends of each other, were walking in the street. They were talking what they have done last week when suddenly another guy stopped and looked terrified. Another guy asked what is wrong and the terrified guy answered: "What a bad situation. You see those two women there coming here? They are my wife and my girlfriend together and they look angry!" Another guy answered: "Yes, I see them, but the situation is much more dangerous than you think. I mean that they are also my wife and my girlfriend!"
"Why the Swedish use an umbrella in the shower?"
"He doesn't have a towel!" A man was playing golf with his friend and that was not his day. Everything went badly. He was not able to get the ball to the direction he wanted at all. His ball was in the water, in the sand and in the forrest. After one hour playing he lost his ball to the forrest. He and his friend searched and searched, but they didn't find the ball. After 30 minutes searching his friend said to him: "Let the ball be in the forrest. We can't find it!" The man got little angry and answered: "Absolute not, I must find my ball, that is my lucky ball!"
There was a priest who was crazy about golf. One Sunday morning when he were driving to the church to preach to the people he decided not to go. He knew that his wife will not like it and people in the church also will be disappointed, but anyway he turned his car to the golf course and started to play. He played alone, because if he had company it would be a risk to come out that he were there and not in the church. That was his best day. Everything he did went amazing. After five holes when all five holes he got par he had even hole in one in sixth hole. He was a priest and the same
time angels of God asked from God: “How you let that happen? The priest is doing very wrong and you reward him playing golf like in a dream?” God answered: “He plays well, but remember that he can’t tell his dream game to anyone!” A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house!” G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up. G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you." So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Colin Powell says, "It's me!" So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell." And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!" I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and there
was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said:
"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent." A white man was travelling in USA at the time there was still color line in the state. Night was coming and he started to search a hotel, but every hotels seemed to be fully booked. Finally he found a hotel with free rooms, but it was only for black people. It was very late and he needed a bed to sleep. In desperate situation we do desperate things. So, the man colored his skin by black colorant. In that way he got the room and before he went to sleep he asked a man in the reception to wake him up at six o’clock in the morning, because he should hurry to the bus. The man slept well and at six o’clock he was waked up. He walked to the bus stop. The bus arrived, but the driver didn’t let him step in because the bus was only for white people. The man told the truth and said that he is really white, he had only colored his skin. Then he started to clean his skin, but the colorant didn’t leave at all. He scrubed and scrubed, but no, the color is still on his skin. Then, suddenly, he realized what had happened: “The man in the reception of the hotel had woke up
wrong guy!” In the USA they decided to send a secret agent to Russia. His task will be very important and very secret. It would be a big catastrophe if Russians catch him. So, they started to train the agent very
well and carefully. They teach him everything about Russian culture and manners, history and of course the language too. After seven years they were ready and they flew him to Siberia to the area where was no people at all. After landing the secret agent start to move toward human settlement. After week he found first home of Russian people. He knocked the door and entered. He said hello by perfect accent of Russian language. There was an old lady in the room, she looked at the agent and said: “The stranger seems to come very far away?” The agent recoiled and asked: “Why do you think so?” The old lady answered: “It is quite rare to see here a black man!” |
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1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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