He asks: "Since when did you start wearing ear rings?"
Friend: "Ever since my wife found them in my car!"
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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A man meets his friend who has started wearing ear rings.
He asks: "Since when did you start wearing ear rings?" Friend: "Ever since my wife found them in my car!"
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Patient: "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible!"
Doctor: "Hey, who said that?" ----------------- Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm a ghost." Doctor: "Yes, I thought that might be your problem when you walked through the wall." ----------------- Patient: "Doctor, no seems to care about what I say!" Doctor: "Next!" ----------------- Patient: "Doctor, how do I stop myself from getting diseases caused by biting insects?" Doctor: "Stop biting insects!" ----------------- Patient: "Doctor, is it true that lifting weights helps kill germs?" Doctor: "Yes, the only problem is getting the germ to lift those weights." A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave.
A minute later, he comes back in saying with a mean look in his eye: "I'm going to sit down and have one more drink, and if my horse isn't back where I left it, I'm gonna have to do what I done in Texas, And I really don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!" True to his word, he sits down, orders another drink, sits in the [silent] bar and finishes his drink. He then gets up and walks outside and sure enough, his horse is back tied up where he left it. As he's just about to ride off, one of the other patrons timidly asks: "Mister? What was it you had to do in Texas?" The cowboy gets a far off look in his eyes and says sadly: "I had to walk home." When I newly joined this IT firm, my manager was always pissed at me for no reason. He said if I wanted to keep my job, after every fuck up made by anyone in the team, I would have to take the blame and send an e-mail to the entire team saying "Sorry, it was my fault".
So if some product had a bug thanks to no fault of mine, I would have to send an e-mail saying "Sorry, it was my fault". Now one day, my manager sent an e-mail to everyone saying: "Very happy, my wife is 9 months pregnant, expecting a baby next week." Pissed as I was, I promptly replied: "Sorry, it was my fault". Got fired the next day. A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Delhi and asked to be taken to the Indira Gandhi airport.
On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded: "Oh! Toyota - Made in Japan! Very fast!" Not too long afterward, another car flew by the taxi. "Oh! Nissan - Made in Japan! Very fast!' Then yet another car zipped by, and the tourist said: "Oh! Mitsubishi - Made in Japan! Very fast!" The taxi driver, who was 100% Indian, was starting to get a little annoyed that the Japanese made cars were passing his taxi, when yet another car passed the taxi as they were turning into the airport. "Oh! Honda - Made in Japan! Very fast!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said: “That'll be Rupees 500." "Rupees 500? It was short ride! Why so much?" The Taxi driver smiled as he replied: "Meter - Made in India. Very fast." Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ), in the room and gives the key to his best friend and says: "If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours...."
He sits on his horse and hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud and sound behind him. He stops and sees his friend riding very fast towards him. "What's wrong ?", King asks. Out of breath, his friend answers: "It is the wrong key...!" An elderly couple Pauline and Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village. The couple had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank. The note said: "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!" A boy who loses his eye from an accident goes to the doctor gets a wooden replacement.
Of course, he is extremely self-conscious about his new wooden eye and doesn't make an effort to ask out any of the girls in school. One day a new girl walks in and he notices she has a harelip. He figures they can relate to each other and perhaps become friends. They get to know each other and the boy gets to the point where he musters the courage to ask the girl on a date. The girl is so excited and happy she can hardly believe it. "Would I? WOULD I?", she exclaims. The boy, crushed by this, screams back: "HARELIP! HARELIP!!!" A lady went to a birds' shop.
Lady: "Why is this parrot for only 50$ and others too costly?" Shopkeeper: "It was earlier in a house of red light (a place where prostitutes do their business) area!" Lady: "Okay. Give it to me." After reaching home... The parrot: "Wow! A new home!" After 2 hours when her daughter returned from school... The parrot: "Wow! A new girl today!" She got tensed but ignore. Her husband arrived at night... The parrot: "What man! You are here too!!!" A conversation between a reporter and a herder.
Reporter: "You have a good breeding sheep uncle. May I ask you some questions?" Herder: "Go on." Reporter: "How far these sheep walk each day?" Herder: "Which, white or black sheep?" Reporter: "The white one." Herder: "The white ones, they run approximately six miles every day." Reporter: "The black?" Herder: "So do the black." Reporter: "How much amount of grass these sheep eat every day?" Herder: "Which, white or black sheep?" Reporter: "The white one." Herder: "Oh, the white sheep eat about four pounds of grass every day." Reporter: "The black?" Herder: "So do the black." Reporter: "How much wool they produce each year?" Herder: "Which one, the white or black?" Reporter: "The white one." Herder: "Aaa.. The white generate about six kilos of wool annually." Reporter: "The black?" Herder: "So do the black." Reporter: "Why do you distinguish your sheep between white and black and answer all of my questions separately even though in the end the answer will be just the same??!!!" Herder: "Aaaahhh.. That's because all of the white sheep are mine." Reporter: "Ahhh, now I see, and the black?" Herder: "So are the black ones." A train was famous for its late arrival. There wasn't a single day when the train reached on time. So, the general public became accustomed to these situations.
One day, out of the blue, the train arrived the station at the exact scheduled time. The public went mad on seeing this and beat the crap out of the driver. The driver gasping for his breath, shouts admist the crowd: “Get away from me, you idiots! Its yesterday's train!” One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!", he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!", he exclaimed. "You are a lawyer aren't you?", asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?", the lawyer asked. "HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?", the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed: "MY ROLEX!" Attorney: "How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which." Attorney: "How long has he lived with you?" Witness: "Forty-five years!" An interviewer: "What is your date of birth?"
Blonde: "July 18th." The interviewer: "What year?" Blonde: "Every year!" A lady and a kid were sitting on a bench in a park.
The kid was eating sweets. Lady(to Kid): "You should not eat the sweets else your maximum age will decline." Kid(to Lady): "My great-grandmother lived for 115 years." Lady(to kid): "Um, that's because she never ate sweets?" Kid(to Lady): "No, that's because she used to mind her own business." In a village a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs100.
The villagers started catching the monkeys. The man bought thousands of monkeys at Rs100 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs200. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs250 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs500! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs350 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs500." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!! Welcome to the "Stock" Market !!!! |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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