Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!
"Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
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Jokes
Let's laugh! It is very healthy!
Jokes are like poems: read slowly with time and enjoy!
Have a nice life:
About 1,4 million children are at risk of starvation this year. This is so much bigger catastrophe than terrorism or any natural disaster.
Today there is 923 shares of this page in Twitter or Facebook (like you see right up). When there is 1000 shares I start to grow the donation to Unicef for helping those children. Every 10 shares I give 1% of profit of this page to Unicef. So, when there is 1500 shares, I give 50% of profit to Unicef. I have already give 50% of profit to Unicef until today and now I start this new way to count the amount of the donation.
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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon! "Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
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I asked a guy from North Korea how things were.
He told me: "I can't complain!" A blonde travels to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She meets a foreman of a logging organization who offers to give her a job.
“Now, I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day”, the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn’t see this as problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best. She came back drenched in sweat. “Geez lady, how many trees did you cut down?”, asked the foreman. “6”, she replied. “What!? You have to do better than that. Get up earlier tomorrow!” So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted. “How many this time?”, asked the foreman. “12”, she said. The foreman says: “That does it. I’m coming out there with you tomorrow morning!” The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says: “This is how to cut down trees really quickly.” He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUUUMMM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically, so he asks her what’s wrong. And she replies: “What the hell is that noise?” Dentist: "I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes."
Patient: "And how much will it cost?" Dentist: "It’s $150." Patient: "What? $150 for just a few minutes work?" Dentist: "I can extract it very slowly, if you like." A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: “Shut up, you’re next.” Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife.
Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?", Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God", says Sid, "So that’s what heaven is like?" "Oh no", says Irv, "I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park." I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this. Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips. Fact 3: You just tried it. Fact 4: You're smiling. Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again. Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5. Fact 8: You just checked it. Fact 9: You're smiling again. Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :) An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?", he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered: "Is that one word or two?" Wife to husband: "Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!"
Husband: "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on." DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher: "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says: "Okay , but do not go in that field over there", as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying: "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs: "Your badge... Show him your badge!" The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband.
Aroused Husband says: "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says: "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that." Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT: "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer replies: "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer enquires: "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says: "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies: "Yeah, but you started it." |
Magic trick:
1) Think some colour 2) Think some tool 3) Look at the page "Games and other fun" :) JokesAuthorWriter is a man who thinks that the humor is very useful in life. His hobby is jokes, he enjoys to share them and likes to offer jokes for laugh. Here are jokes he has chosen not invented. Idea is that he collects only good jokes and so you don't have to read tens and tens jokes to find out some good ones. Here! BigStep - application! Archives
June 2019
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